You never know what’s going to trigger you. — K8e Orr
When K8e Orr laughs, the exuberant, joyful sound can be heard at least half a Manitou Springs block away. And she laughs a lot.
But there’s much more to the artist whose exhibit, “Hiraeth,” is on display in the Manitou Art Center’s Hagnauer Gallery through the end of June. Its subtitle, “A Longing for Home That Never Was,” provides a clue to the profound depths of Orr’s soul, spirit and heart, and the pain she lives with.
There’s a reason a box of tissues is available near the gallery entrance.
“Hiraeth” is a Welsh word defined as “a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past.”
Orr was born in Colorado Springs, but found her home in Manitou Springs, a place that’s brought her more peace and joy than the one she shared with her parents and brother.
She remembers being about four years old and having a family picnic in Garden of the Gods. They planned to do the same thing the next day, but her mother had disappeared.
“We were running around asking strangers where she was. And this lady was like, ‘Oh, I don’t know where your mom is. But there’s some crazy lady talking to herself laying on the sidewalk over there.’
“And that was my mom. And I remember going to the emergency room with her and slapping her face and trying to get her to pay attention to me or recognize me, and she didn’t.”
Orr’s longing for a home that never was is exacerbated by the knowledge that her brother, who is four years older, had a few years of normal life with their mother.
“He had somebody reading to him and making treasure maps for him and being present in his life. And I was a baby for most of that. My first memories are just of the fallout of the situation.”
The same year Orr’s mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia, her father was injured and hospitalized for almost two years, told he would never walk again. He died last year.
“My dad showed amazing resiliency in life. And he did the best he could with what he had. He made the decision not to drink and he was raised by alcoholics. That was very beautiful for me to witness.”
After years of turmoil, her parents divorced and she and her brother moved in with their grandparents and their mother. The relatively peaceful life didn’t last long, as their grandfather died and their grandmother had a stroke.
At first glance, a few pieces in “Hiraeth” just seem like funny little tableaux: 100 tiny steaks laser-cut from wood and delicately painted red and white, a mixed-media piece called “Porch Pickles.”
“My mom was responsible for going out and getting us groceries, and we had a very limited budget. And so, for 100 days straight in my childhood, we would get a piece of steak for the family to share. And that was the only groceries she would buy.”
Except when she would buy jars of pickles until the front porch was packed with pickles.
“We would ask her about them and she would say, ‘pickles keep the judges away.’”
Her mother also wrote pages and pages of notes every day, then made copies of them.
“Growing up, my house was completely covered with her writing and notes and tape recordings and stuff like that,” Orr recalled.
She long ago cleared out the house, but remembered the notes when she was preparing for this exhibit. She and her longtime partner, Joel Newmiller, found a box of papers in the garage and Orr incorporated them into hanging sculptures depicting clouds. Ironically, Orr’s mother once had a studio at the Business of Art Center, now the Manitou Art Center.
But her father was the greatest influence on her artistic life.
“Him doing art and art shows was amazing for me to witness and him teaching me art at such a young age was a way to heal,” she said.
Orr began showing her art when she was 12 years old and took some work to the Hemp Store. A few years later, she started selling art through Mountain Living Studio, which was at the corner of Manitou Avenue and Otoe Place.
She showed her art in markets and local stores, then launched a shop in downtown Manitou — the year of the Waldo Canyon fire. The resulting economic slowdown forced her to close.
“I had been looking for a space in Manitou for almost a year when the love went my way” and yes, she did say “love.”
She found her space in the Manitou Art Center’s 513 Manitou Ave. building. The shop, called Jibwa after her childhood nickname, overflows with evidence of her talent in multiple media.
Somehow, between caring for her mother, running a business and creating art every spare minute, Orr found time to earn a bachelor’s degree in art last year. She hopes to return to college for a master’s in art therapy.
She’s also planning this year’s Moonlight Markets, which offer opportunities for artists, artisans and others to show their work in the Manitou Art Center’s parking lot during First Friday art walks. (Check the Moonlight Market Facebook page for information.)
This is the first time Orr has publicly revealed so much of what happened and the trauma she carries, the things that still cause flashbacks.
“You never know what’s going to trigger you. Sometimes it’s a word or a phrase, and my heart will just start racing and my body’s immediately in fight or flight or freeze,” she said. “It’s something I will deal with for the rest of my life.”
Orr knows that this community, the people who really care about her, will support her exhibit and understand what she’s conveying.
“I hope it shifts the conversation around mental health, because it’s so very isolating. And while it was a tremendous help to myself, my real aim was to try to help other people start to process what they need to process through art. Because it is the best medicine that we have.”
The approximately 153 pieces range from earrings to a large three-dimensional, multimedia piece on the Hagnauer Gallery floor.
That’s modeled on the star quilts she and her brother received for their Lakota naming ceremonies. The quilts evolved into curtains and acted as symbols in the chaotic home.
“Throughout my mother’s illness, it became kind of like a place of survival.”
The quilts were shredded after decades, but Orr used the emotions they evoke in her as a way to launch the exhibit’s storytelling.
Her brother attended the “Hiraeth” opening reception and was moved to tears.
“He said, “K8e, we lived through this.’ … He’s the closest I have to an actual witness, like he actually lived through this experience with me. So to have him be proud and say that I reflected accurately what we survived has been really amazing.”
IF YOU GO
K8e Orr will host an artist talk and mental health panel 6-8 p.m. Thursday, June 22, at 513 Manitou Ave. Information: K8eOrr@gmail.com or 719-439-6623.