As long as Donny Dementia is wreaking havoc in the White House, there will always be something for appreciative, cynical and elderly journalists to write about. Can you imagine how boringly competent Kamala Harris might have been? No DOGE, no Elon Musk, no Tulsi Gabbard, no Pete Hegseth, no destructive firings of competent civil servants, no lunatic tariffs, no sending the vice president and his spouse to Greenland as a prelude to invasion, no musings about making Canada the 51st state. We’re apparently doomed to experience the never-ending and bizarre nightmare of Trumpsterism.
Horrified Democrats seem to be frozen in place, fearful, incapacitated, directionless and motionless. A long-forgotten Minnesota song stylist, Robert Zimmerman, accurately described the angst that afflicts us and the man who distracts us:
How does it feel
To be without a home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?
(Well, the name Robert Zimmerman may not be remembered, but you probably know his second name: Bob Dylan.)
Like it or not, the Scammer-in-Chief is going to run things until 2028, so we’ve got to feint, bob and weave, and dissemble – not just occasionally, but every day, every week, every month and every year. Trump is already pursuing a multitude of ridiculous choices and distractions – I say we collectively cheer him on.
Let’s start with Canada. The Canadians ought to agree to a merger, but on their terms. Canada would be divided into 10 states, and nationwide votes would be held in 2026, thereby giving Democrats control of both the Senate and the House. Neither Trump nor Vance would run for president, having been appointed governor and lieutenant governor of Greenland. So who would become our new president and vice president? Two ferociously competent women: President Caitlin Clark and Vice President Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. CC and AOC – what could be better? I’m sure Caitlin could run the country and still dominate on the basketball court.
Although we can make fun of them, at the end of the day they’re still in charge.
And what about Trump’s penchant for renaming things? No more Gulf of Mexico – it’s now the Gulf of America (!?). What about blue state governors getting together and banning the word “dump” and replacing it with “trump?” It wouldn’t please Donald J. Trump, but it would create some much-needed merriment across the nation.
It’s fun to needle Trump, just as it was fun to needle Joe Biden. But why in the world have we elected septuagenarians to lead our nation for the last three elections? Biden was born in 1942, Trump in 1946. In their prime they were superbly competent, but now they’re elderly and demented. And like Biden, Trump is surrounded by flacks and hacks who shamelessly pander to his demented majesty. Flack #1, Elon Musk, is rich beyond the dreams of avarice, insatiably greedy for whatever interests him in the moment and utterly indifferent to the concerns of peasants like us.
We may get to Mars, but if Musk has his way, you won’t get Social Security. Why? Because, according to him, it’s just an unsustainable Ponzi scheme. And how do you reform it? Simple: you fire a lot of staff, so recipients who have problems can’t effectively complain, and millions may be illegally deprived of the benefits they paid for.
That’s how the Muskrats ramble through Washington.
At 84, I’ve got a horse in this race. Without Social Security, I’d be totally broke, instead of occasionally broke. I paid into it for decades, and am grateful beyond words for it. It’s infuriating that the richest man in the world wants to make life more difficult for me and millions of my fellow geezers. So to borrow a suitably ancient slogan, “Geezers of America, unite!” The multi-billionaire slavedrivers who run things these days see you as living junk, useless, expensive and easily disposed of. And although we can make fun of them, at the end of the day, they’re still in charge.
So please don’t get mad, Mr. Musk and President Trump … I was just kidding! Except about needing Social Security, like many other older Americans – that part is dead serious.
This opinion piece reflects the views of John Hazlehurst only and are not endorsed by the Pikes Peak Bulletin.
