Dear Mrs. Hughes,
What is the proper etiquette for meeting new neighbors? When I was young and we moved, we were greeted by a whole line of people bringing us cakes and pies and cookies and introducing themselves to us. It was such a nice way to meet people in the neighborhood. It made us feel so welcome.
Recently I have moved into a small sub-division of townhouses. I am a single, older woman, and to be honest, I was looking forward to the greeting committee showering me with welcome treats. I moved in the winter and not a soul came by. I reasoned it was because it was cold and most people are a bit homebound in the winter. Now that it is spring, almost summer, still no one has come by. It feels awkward not to have met anyone yet. I feel a little sad and disappointed. Is welcoming new neighbors a thing of the past?
Signed,
Left Out in the Cold
Dear Left Out in the Cold,
Sadly, I think greeting committees might be a thing of the past. I, too, have fond memories of being welcomed to our new neighborhood by families with all their kids in tow, laden with yummy treats. The last couple of times I moved, nada. There might be many reasons for this difference. Times have changed a lot since we were young. For one thing, it was a fairly rare occurrence and a big deal to move. More people were stay-at-home mothers and had more time to bake and make yummy treats. People in general didn’t seem to be as busy. Kids played out on the streets more and you didn’t need to arrange a playdate first. Neighbors relied on each other to watch over each other’s children. It was important to know each other.
Now it is the norm for both partners to have full-time jobs. Colorado Springs, in particular, has a high turnover rate due to the constant movement of military personnel in and out of town when their three-year terms are up. Kids are scheduled up the wazoo with activities and commitments. It is no longer a neighborhood activity to watch the new people move in and want to be the first to meet them. That being said, I still love the idea of greeting committees!
If there isn’t one that presently exists in your new neighborhood, you might want to consider forming one. When I moved into my latest home I had a similar experience. It happened to be in the winter, close to the holidays, and the only time I saw people out and about was when they got their mail. I made little bags of “Winter Cheer” full of goodies and enclosed a note introducing myself with my name and number. I am happy to report that many people replied in kind, bringing me goodies of their own or, at the very least, calling to say thank you and introduce themselves.
I guess in the end it comes down to the Golden Rule: Treat people how you would like to be treated. Or as Gandhi so eloquently put it: “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” This might sound like such an insignificant issue to quote Gandhi about, but it truly isn’t. Our society has become insular. People do not know their neighbors like they used to. Loneliness has become an epidemic, and neighbors tend not to interact with each other like they used to when we were young and people were not as busy. So … Left Out in the Cold, take the initiative and meet your neighbors. I’m sure there are some lovely people out there just waiting to make your acquaintance!
Yours Most Truly,
Mrs. Hughes
About Mrs. Hughes
Mrs. Hughes is the pen name of Raizel Weiss Heizer, a licensed professional counselor, officiant, sacred passage doula and grandmother in Colorado Springs. She also has a background in the performing arts. Send your questions on life, love, money, parenting, difficult neighbors, or any sticky situations to dearmrshughes@pikespeakbulletin.org. No topic off limits, though publication is not guaranteed. Use a pseudonym if you wish.
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