Dear Mrs. Hughes May 2

[Letters may be lightly edited for clarity and printability. –ed]

Dear Mrs. Hughes,

I am what is called modern orthodox. I attend something called a minyan where I pray with others every day. Recently, I met an old childhood friend there who I haven’t seen in over a decade. We started talking and I was happy to get reacquainted. After the minyan someone came up to me to tell me to be careful of this person. There is a strict tenet in Judaism against Lashon Hora, which roughly translates to “Do NOT Gossip,” but it is much more. We must never speak against someone if it means ruining their reputation or livelihood. This person did not want to tell me more, but advised me to look at the Sex Offender Registry. My old friend was on it for aggravated child pornography. Mrs. Hughes, many young families attend this minyan and this guy was always interacting with the young children, often with them sitting on his lap. He is not supposed to be anywhere near children and is even supposed to stay away from schools. There is no one really in charge, but I did talk to the organizer. He told me he was not going to do anything because everyone has a right to a second chance and the minyan is open to everyone. I don’t want to commit Lashon Hora, but I feel like I should say something. What should I do?

Signed,

In a Quandary

Dear In a Quandary,

I know what I would tell you to do, but since you have come to me with a very specific question concerning your religious beliefs, I consulted with two rabbis, one orthodox and one reformed. I am happy to report that we all had the same opinion. They both told me you would not be committing Lashon Hora in this situation. Moreover, they both emphasized that it is your religious duty to say something if it means saving a life or someone from harm. They called this a Mitzvah, a commandment from God. They both said this overrides any rules to do with Lashon Hora. They also both agreed that it is your duty as a citizen to report when someone is breaking a law that could cause harm.

I hope this appeases your conscience or any doubts you may have. Now, how you go about this is totally up to you. You don’t have to necessarily go to the police, but I imagine this person is probably on parole, and for good reason. I looked up what ‘aggravated child pornography’ means. It is defined by the offender having violent, sadistic, or masochistic images; the minor was sexually offended; or the offender had a previous conviction for child sexual exploitation. These are serious charges! I am 100% sure that if any of those parents knew, they would not let him near their children.

It is a shame that the organizer of this minyan does not take this seriously. The person who told you to look him up was aware of this person’s history and has apparently only said something to you. It is your choice whether you report him to the authorities, but whatever you do, you must let the parents of those children know! They have a right to protect their children and according to the rabbis, you are commanded by God to protect them as well. There is no legal mandate to report him, but you do have a moral compunction to say something to those parents. I do not believe it is enough to merely let the offender know and ask him to leave. He could meet these families in other situations and unless they know, they may socialize with him outside of the minyan. 

Dear In a Quandary, you are in a difficult situation. Be strong. Be brave. You are doing the right thing by saying something. You don’t have to announce it to the whole group. Perhaps he does want to find solace or a fresh start through religion. The rabbis informed me there are adult minyans this man can attend. He can have a second chance there. Don’t worry that you will be committing Lashon Hora against this man. He knows full well he is not supposed to be around children. He has been identified as dangerous. You can limit it to the parents and let them take the next steps. You can report him to the police and let them take the next steps. You can talk to your old acquaintance and tell him you will report him if he doesn’t leave the minyan on his own. Above all, it is your moral and religious duty to protect those children against any potential harm. 

Yours Most Truly,

Mrs. Hughes

About Mrs. Hughes

Mrs. Hughes is the pen name of Raizel Weiss Heizer, a licensed professional counselor, officiant, sacred passage doula and grandmother in Colorado Springs. She also has a background in the performing arts. Send your questions on life, love, money, parenting, difficult neighbors, or any sticky situations to dearmrshughes@pikespeakbulletin.org. No topic off limits, though publication is not guaranteed. Use a pseudonym if you wish.