Satire Page: In the spirit of April 1, please enjoy these stories which are NOT FACTUAL, though may contain some truths nonetheless. Please do not get these satire articles confused with real news.
Rainbow Falls monetizes reputation as ‘Graffiti Falls’
El Paso County Parks announced today that Rainbow Falls will be getting back to its roots as Graffiti Falls, but with a new twist.
This lovely little park on the west side of Manitou Springs has been plagued with problems:
● Fear of falling rocks.
● A tiny parking lot with no legal pedestrian access out of the parking lot.
● Its operating hours are known only to one former parks department employee.
● Funding to staff and maintain the park has been a problem.
Well, the folks at the parks department have come up with a solution that at least solves the funding problem.
“We’re gonna sell rocks: $2,000 a pop,” said Parks Spokesmodel Bill Chagrin. “For that money, you not only get that rock with your name on it, you can paint it with any kind of artwork or message you want. Upset about that $100 parking ticket you got? Well, you can address that injustice right there on your own rock.”
Within a day of Mr. Ranger making that comment, the entire park was covered with corporate logos, and the park’s coffers were flush with cash.
We’re gonna sell rocks: $2,000 a pop. – Bill Chagrin, parks spokesmodel
But the new rock-purchase scheme hasn’t been entirely successful.
Longtime Manitou resident Don Goede purchased a rock on Tuesday and used it to make a critical statement about certain politicians in Washington. Certain other Manitou residents snuck in at night and painted over Mr. Goede’s statement, leaving their own retort, which we’ve decided would be unsuitable to print in a family newspaper.
But the entire incident made it clear that Graffiti Falls is back to its old ways.
Musk opts out of DOGE cuts to City after visit to dispensary, Incline hike
The atmosphere was tense last Wednesday morning when an unexpected visitor in a black MAGA hat entered Manitou’s Memorial Hall. He was quickly identified as Elon Musk because he said, “I’m Elon Musk.”
The billionaire and special government employee in charge of DOGE, whose self-written job description is “feeding government departments into the woodchipper,” announced that he was in Manitou Springs because of the proclamation affirming diversity, equity and inclusion (DEI) passed by the Manitou Springs City Council in early March.
He said he was going to teach the “woke city council” a lesson – by axing multiple municipal departments.
“That’s not within your authority,” Manitou Mayor John Graham told Musk.
Musk laughed and made a gesture, the meaning of which will surely be the source of debate for at least one news cycle.
However, before Musk got DOGE-y on the City of Manitou, one of Musk’s post-pubescent hacker employees talked him into visiting a nearby dispensary and hiking the Incline. Musk descended from the mountain with a change of heart … or at least a change of plan.
You can keep your jobs. I just want to get some food and go to bed. – Elon Musk
“You know what, nevermind,” Musk told staff at city hall. “You can keep your jobs. I just want to get some food and go to bed.”
Manitou Springs City Manager Denise Howell recommended several local restaurants to Musk, who then got in a cybertruck and headed west.
